I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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