man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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