Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Enjoy the penises
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
