yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
