Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
