I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
