I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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