My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
