No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
