I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
