i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
