dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
