i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
