what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Green mimosas i think yes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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