Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
