I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
