I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
