you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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