Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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