Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
