Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
