no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
