also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
