my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
