Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
