3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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