ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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