Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
