I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
worst night to have a conscience
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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