i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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