I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
