you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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