I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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