apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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