Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
