she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
