Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
