i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
