he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
