Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
