I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
