You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
These tits shall not be calmed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
