Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
