dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
