Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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