Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
