Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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