I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
