and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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