I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
