he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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