He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
