What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
