I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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