I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
