Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
