he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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