he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
