I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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