yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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