So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
