So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
