I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
