This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
