i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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