dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
