im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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