8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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