I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
