the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
