I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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