one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
