I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
